Consumer Culture Vulture

I'm really bad at networking. I managed to swap 3 business cards at the EMAC Conference last month. I didn't become an academic to have to interact with people. Inside of the classroom fine - I'm a performer in their acting out some version of myself and every teacher in every Educating Rita knock off ever. But real life me, jeez. Sat in the canteen during lunch whilst big shot academic cliques surround felt like being lonely and forlorn back at high school all over again. I'm just not very sociable. Retreating back to my office here I go. Thank goodness for articles, blogs, online dating and the like.  

Its that time of year when all of our beloved students piss off, and once we have completed our marking (you laughed at my jokes in class 2:1 BAM! You never ever had a pen or paper 3rd BAM! This has a lot of long words and detailed references and Hollyoaks is about to start 2:1 BAM!) then it is time to look forward to CONFERENCES. :D Conferences are to academics what spa breaks are to the diamond studded whores of the oligarchs. They're a chance to size yourself up to the competition, get your name out there, passive aggressively (or just aggressively if you have made it to professor or above) tear into your competition, and fall asleep in homogenised hotel suite surroundings. I don't think any of us particularly wants to be there. But it does bring the perk of an all expenses Ryanair flight to an international-adjacent airport. And if you're lucky you might get felt up by a randy editor at the gala dinner and a 3* publication ought to be in the bag. This year I have ...

Already got the Mentos Coke bath into today's classes. #buzzlecturing

Yet again a Kardashian-Jenner has come to my rescue. There I was staring at my blank powerpoint presentation, trying to find some inspiration for my branding lecture next week. There are only so many textbooks you can trawl through before realizing they are all equally inaccessible. How do I fill 2 hours with re-branding? Other than some funny pictures comparing Air BnB's new logo to genitalia I'm drawing a blank. And then In-Touch magazine trends on my Facebook pane claiming that Bruce Jenner is transitioning into a woman. My re-branding exercise comes just like that. Bruce, Kris, Kim, the less famous ones, you are angels for our times. Not you though Rob. If I was a religious man I would be offering up some goat's blood for your skincare regimens right now.